After having such a crappy start to my week, I decided yesterday day I am done… I am done being unhappy and depressed (of course I am not saying it wont ever happen again), but this time/today I WIN… I decided to think of things that make me happy and things that I should be grateful for and decided to make a list (if you have not figured it by now, I LOVE making lists)…

I am thankful for…

1- My amazing/funny/loving husband and bestfriend.

2- My four legged kids and their unconditional love.

3- My health.

4- My to do lists (yes, they drive me crazy at times but they also calm me down)

5- My cozy bed and the comfort it brings me.

6- My job and the security it offers me/us.

7- Education and the opportunity to learn.

8- to be given the opportunity to help others.

9- Being surrounded by caring and loving people.

10 – Air Conditioning.

11- Technology.

12…. and many many more!!!

I know I won’t always have AWESOME days and won’t always be HAPPY, but going forward I have decided that I will try and will try HARD. Depression sucks – it is such a lonely dark place to be in, I would not wish it upon my worst enemy. I also know that I do not have control over everything that happens in my life, but I want to make sure that for those things that I do have control over, keep me happy and healthy. I fought very hard to get out of my depression in the first place and having the feeling that things were going back to the dark hell they were was very scary. I don’t want to be that person, that wife, that friend, that co-worker, that daughter… I and my loved one’s deserve better, they deserve to have the bubbly, sometimes funny, loving, caring Poontater in their life.

So, I am going to make a promise to myself that I will try VERY VERY hard to push through feeling like I did earlier this week and try to keep my head up high above the dark sinking hole.

Feeling down… down… down…

I feel like I have been down in the gutters for the past few days and have not been able to figure out why. I had a great time riding with Cary EMS on Sunday and ever since then I have found it very hard to put a smile on my face… until this morning! When a co-worker asked me what’s wrong and I told her I was not sure… and she jokingly said “it’s this place” and it hit me like a ton of bricks. She is right! Don’t get me wrong, I like my job for the most part (well not too much the job it self, but the people I work with). But having tasted something else, a job that makes a difference in someone’s life, a job that makes me feel satisfied and proud, makes coming to this job that much harder. I always tried to look at my job as more then just a paycheck, but lately that is all it feels like.

I have submitted my application to one EMS unit and have been trying to gather up all the paperwork I need for the other station. I know it takes time for them to review everything and the process it self can be a little drawn out, but I have never really been the patient kind of gal and I know that refreshing my email account 10 times a day is not going to make them reply to me any sooner. At least I was able to schedule another ride-a-long with my favorite Paramedic for the 24^th, so this way I have something to look forward to.

I hate feeling like this. I know it affects my family and everyone else around me and I hate that. I know that I need to push through these crappy feelings and come out the other end stronger… but I also know that it’s not easy. It’s not like waking up the next day and everything feeling all better with puppies and rainbows. I know I am the only one who can make things better and I have the tools I need to accomplish my final goal

So… I will think happy thoughts and try to come up with a game plan to make things better.



21+ questions

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Nope.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? About two weeks ago. I was in the hospital room by myself and just broke down. 
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No, not at all.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Brown Sugar Ham.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Yes. Sugar the dog and Ollie the cat.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS
   WITH YOU? Of course!
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? I try.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Plain Corn Flakes with Vanilla Soy Milk.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE them off? No. But I do untie them when I put them back on. 
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Eh! I do not think I am a weakling but I would not say I am strong either.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Pretty much any coffee flavored ice cream will do.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?Their clothing.
15. RED OR PINK? Pink.
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?That I can be too sensetive at times.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My cat lenny.
18. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Black flip flops.
19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Chex Mix.
20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The person next to me chit chatting on their phone.
21. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? White.
22. FAVORITE SMELLS? Sugar’s paws.
23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Admission counselor from Wake Tech College. 
24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Boxing
25. Hair Color? brown
26. EYE COLOR? hazel
27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No.
28. FAVORITE FOOD? Turkish 
29. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy Endings.
30. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? XGames in 3D
31. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? light blue
32. HUGS OR KISSES? both
33. FAVORITE DESSERT? anything chocolate 
34. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Stiff
35. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? It’s purple jel with nothing on it
36. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Man vs Food 
37. FAVORITE SOUND? Silence
38. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? TheBeatles
39. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Depends on where home is
40. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? no
41. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Walnut Creek, California

M-I-A

Sorry I went missing for a while. I have been in a deep dark hole for the past few months and have been trying to bounce back on my feet.

Will be back shortly.

A

Hellllp Meeeee

My allergies in Austin were KILLER, but after living there for 12 years my body had adjustes to them… well now I must suffer through NC allergies and I am dying here. Do you think I will get weird looks if I started wearing one of these around?

I am sure I am driving people around me crazy with sneezing 20 times and hour and blowing my nose like it is going out of style… but damn nothing else helps.

Yup

This pretty much describes how I feel today

Picture Wednesday

SRR and Poontater were in Jacksonville, FL for Supercross. I would have to say it was the BEST rest I have seen so far and it had me out of my seat the whole 20 laps.

Here are some highlights!

The G.O.A.T - Ricky Carmichael

Come out – Come out where ever you are…

Hmmmm let’s see… Poontater has not been up to much lately, just sort of slacking on the blogging side of things. Nothing too exciting, but here is a little summary for ya:

• The foot is still healing. As of two days ago I started wearing shoes (well more like my Croc’s and slippers). Yup… you read that right. I have been wearing slippers to work and it’s awesome.
• We had snow and 86 degree’s in the same week and it was GREAT.
• I saw Watchmen and thought it completely SUCKED (in my opinion) and it was about 2.5 hours too long.
• SRR and I are going out for our first Meet-Up tomorrow night and I am very excited. We are meeting the Cary/Raleigh area 20’s/30’s couple for dinner and some drinks.
• I was in the slumps after being off my medication for almost 3 weeks and the world completely sucked. But I am back on it now and things are only half sucking.
• SRR and I are going to Jacksonville in 3 weeks to watch Supercross live and I cannot wait. I love having something so awesome to look forward to.
• I went in for my physical yesterday and apparently I am SUPER DUPER healthy. I have no early signs of diabetes, high blood pressure or heart problems (other then that my heart beats much slower then an average person, which I already knew). My cholesterol was perfect. This made me super happy; because diabetes and high blood pressure runs in my family history and being overweight I was a little concern. But this is GREAT news.  

I guess that’s pretty much it. See, told you it was nothing too exciting. Now that I am out of the slump’s I will be more active on poontater.com – stay tuned! 

Sugar says Hi

Just Because it was AWESOME

James *Bubba* Stewart

And your CHAMP is...

Hockey in NC

SRR and I went to a Hurricane game on Valentines day and even though they got their butt whooped big time, it was a lot of fun and we got to enjoy $1 hot dogs (of course the $4 bottle of NASTY Pepsi made up for it).

The Stadium

Fight Fight Fight...

Check out the score!

and we (especially me) were very glad that they were nice enough to escort us back to our car after the game. It was cold and it would have taken me FOREVER to walk back to the car.