How can I not be grateful?

This is what I get to wake up to every morning… what I get to come home to every afternoon and what I get to snuggle with every evening!

Hmmm where to start?

Here is a little time-line breakdown…

January –

Celebrated SRR’s 30^th birthday

Celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary

I started school

We moved in to our new townhome

Scratch N Sniff Productions is now in full gear

February -

Still in school 3 nights a week

Celebrated Valentine’s Day

Drove to Florida for the first GNCC race

SRR raced his first ever GNCC race

Cleaned out the old apartment and have been settling in at our new place

March –

Still in school 3 nights a week and it is starting to takes it toll on my mind and body

Did my first Ride-A-Long with Cary EMS

April –

Still in school 3 nights a week and feel like I can barely function

SRR broke his collar bone

Found a new therapist that I really like

SRR is scheduled for surgery

SRR had surgery

Hands on testing started and finished in 2 weeks (and I survived it)

May –

Took and passed my Final exam in class

Last day of class was May 5^th

Celebrated Mother’s Day in Virginia

State Exam is scheduled for May 21^st…..

So, it has been crazy to say the least... but it has also been very challenging in many ways. Trying to juggle a full time job, a household and full-time school at the same time is no easy task, but I have no regrets for giving it a try. Through out the past few months I feel like I have grown as a person and as a wife. I feel like I have been focusing on one thing and one thing only for the past few years and to realize that some things are completely out of my hands has been a hard pill to swallow, but has also made me realize that there are other things in life that I have full control over.

I feel like I lived my life for the past few years focusing on nothing but fertility/infertility issues we have gone through and I was sinking deeper and deeper in to depression and denial. See I always thought I had my life outlined and planned and things were/would workout just the way I had it drawn out... but when something like infertility hits you in the face and you realize one day that you have no control over it, it is very hard to move on and function.  You feel like all your plans and dreams have been ripped away from you. You grow angry towards others, you experience uncontrollable jealousy, things you enjoyed on a daily basis are no longer enough to satisfy you and that is when you find yourself in a deep black hole and feel the life being sucked out of you. That is where I was late last years... I felt like without a child, our lives would never be complete and I found my self isolated from everything and everyone.

Then I woke up one day and realized that I needed to be grateful for the AMAZING life I had/have. I have the most amazing/supportive/funny/loving husband anyone could ever ask for, I have two amazing four legged kids at home, I have a beautiful home to come home to everyday and I am surrounded by people who love me for who I am and nothing else. This is not to say that I have 100% come to terms with the idea that we may never have kids, but for now I am OK with it.  I have learned to be happy for others and move on.

Soooo... to bring it all back together...

I decided to do something for me, something that would make me proud of what I did and appreciate things in life unlike many  others are not able to. And I found the answer in going back to school to be an EMT, to help others at their worst time, to be there as a shoulder to cry on, to offer arms when a hug is needed and to be able to make a difference in someone's life every single day. It may not be the path I always saw my self going down, but it is the path I chose to do going forward and I cannot wait for this part of my journey to begin.

Happy Holidays

Wish I could say I was sad to see 2009 end, but honestly it has been a crazy year for me and most of it was not for the good. I hope 2010 will bring a lot of health and happiness to my family, friends and everyone else.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Hanukkah…etc

Mutlu Bayramlar!    Buone Feste!  Forhe Feiertage!     Hau’oli Lanui!   Jie Ri Yu Kuai!

Picture Wednesday

SRR and Poontater were in Jacksonville, FL for Supercross. I would have to say it was the BEST rest I have seen so far and it had me out of my seat the whole 20 laps.

Here are some highlights!

The G.O.A.T - Ricky Carmichael

C-H-A-N-G-E

Change has always been something I have avoided. Most of the time I like things the way they are, or even if I don’t like things the way they are my fear of change would take over and cripple me to move forward. My fear kept me at a job I disliked and hated more and more everyday. It kept me from going to school to get my degree. It kept me from taking the leap to sell the house. It kept me from 100% agreeing to move to NC… you get the idea! This was nothing new to me. I have always been afraid of change, but as an adult I found it to be more and more crippling and it started to effect the way I felt about myself and life in general.

But the thing is that, every time I take a chance and take the leap I am always shocked at the end results and the AWESOME feelings that come with it. Like letting my old boss know that I was leaving… as scared as I was, man it felt so good. Of course I had to deal with the freak out moments of not having a job and the fact that after being somewhere for 7 years I was now in the looking for a job field and interviews scare the crap out of me (we will talk about my social issues at another time). But in the end I DID IT! I am now at a job like a like and could possibly see a future within the company if I wanted to.

Now let’s talk about selling the house and moving to NC. That was about 4+ years in the making. I had many many deep issues related to selling the house and moving somewhere where I felt I would be very vulnerable because I did not know anyone. But after a lot work with therapy and support from SRR I was ready to take the jump and move. Once I felt comfortable in my own skin and I felt strong as a person the whole process came very easy. I mean leaving my friends and what I have known as life for 10+ years was very hard, but I was now looking forward to our new life and was truly excited (without the fear taking over) for the first time since the NC conversation first came up. I know that my SRR will always be there for me and he knows that I will always be there for him no matter what. And as scary and lonely the process could have been, we had each other (and of course Ollie & Sugar). Once we were ready things just fell in the place like it was all meant to be… and one thing after another, things worked them self’s out and September 2008 we hit the road. And to this day I am so happy that we made the change in our lives and moved. I love being closer to extended family and everything else about NC (the cost of living kind of sucks), but everything else makes up for it.

I am a much different person then I was just 2 years ago and it’s OK. Change is not always going to come easy and I know that, but the more I trust my self the easier each step will be.

Now for another huge change in my life – I need to submit my application for Nursing School.  

The world must know

See.. I happen to be married to an amazingly funny and creative husband (and he is SUPER cute/handsome as well). I get to experience this awesomeness on a daily basis and it is GREAT… but I think it is time for me to share him with the rest of the world…

Please meet Sir Robbie Rob and make sure to have a box of kleenex handy to wipe away  those tears you will get from laughing so hard. Oh and please make sure to spit out or swallow any liquid you might have in your mouth.

Enjoy!!!

Oooooozing Cuteness

Just chillin… our 4 hour drive back home from Virginia!

My Sir Robbie Rob

Have I ever told you (my little virtual world) how lucky I am to have the most amazing husband in the world (yeah yeah mine is better then yours get over it). He is loving, caring, funny, sweet, gentle and of course damn good looking.

Being lucky enough to wake up next to the one I love, being able to feel the freedom to share everything my silly little mind thinks and to know that I am loved unconditionally is amazing. I love you more and more everyday and look forward to spending the rest of our lives together.    

Happy New Year Babies… and I hope 2009 brings us everything we have been wishing for.

I Love you!

That’s worth gaining 10 lbs

There have been many places (and trust me I have probably tried most if not all of them) that called them selves Mediterranean Restaurant’s, and honestly I cannot say that any one of them even came close to what I was used to. So I kind of gave up on my search and actually started my attempt at cooking (ohhh and by now SRR was already in love with Turkish Food). I made Lahmacun, Cacik, Borek, Kofte, Coban Salatasi, Baklava…etc but it was never the same. It just sort of took the edge off, but left me wanting just one more hit – I mean bite.

Then we made the brilliant decision to move to Cary, NC (where before we moved, we were warned that we should learn how to cook at home, because the food sucked – or something like that) and with the help of SRR’s AWESOME office mate found out about Bosphorus. Even when SRR mentioned the name to me I was still very skeptical, until I saw the menu and felt like crying from happiness (yes, I know… I have a weirdly wrong relationship with food). That night we went and tried the food and I think I had a smile on my face for the next week (yes – good food makes me happy). They were playing Turkish music, the waiter was Turkish and spoke Turkish to me (which at this point I realized – I need to work on speaking it more often), the food was to DIE for and we walked out of there probably 10lbs heavier then we walked out. But before we walked out, the waiter told us about a Turkish Market (I think at this point I was fighting back tears of joy) and pointed us in the direction. Of course we had to go check it out that night and the place is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. It’s like a little Turkey. They have pretty much everything that I have my mom bring me back from Turkey (hmmm you did not hear that from me) and much much more. I think I was that much more in love with Cary after this. They have an American – Turkish Association which I need to join and I think along with meeting many new people, it will also help me complete Goal #43 off my list.  

Happy Thanksgiving… Take II

Yes, I know it has been days since Thanksgiving – but I just got to dumping the pictures off my camera!

Hope everyone had a lovely and delicious Thanksgiving.

Ours was GREAT. We had a full house, including my Mother in-law, Father In-law, Aunt In-law and Uncle In-law and of course Peanut the dog.

Tuesday: My Mother in-law arrived that evening and picked up the two pie orders I had placed (Pumpkin and Chocolate Pecan pie) from the Farmers Market. We finished the night by eating dinner at one of our favorite restaurants Café Parvaneh.

PS: I finished reading Twilight.

Wednesday: I was able to get out of work around 11:30 and headed home. We had a few more things to grab from the grocery store (this was grocery run #2 so far) and we also grabbed Five Guys burgers to have for lunch. Aunt Brenda and Uncle Gary arrived around 5PM and Perry (my father in-law) made it to our house around 8PM. We stayed up watching TV and playing some Scene It.

Thursday: HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! We woke up early and Marie (my mother in-law) was already in the kitchen getting everything ready. She made us some delicious cheese and sausage wraps and pumpkin bread for breakfast. The boys went out to play some basketball in the afternoon and we just chilled around the house cooking and playing Ratchet & Clank the Quest for the Booty. The Turkey was done around 3ish I believe and there went in the rest of the feast (Green Bean Casserole, Mac & Cheese, Stuffing, Gravy, Rice, Pea Salad, Stewed Tomatoes and last but not least Yeast Rolls with Honey Butter). I set the table up around 5ish and we sat down for dinner. After stuffing our selves with more food then we probably should have, we cleaned up and decided to play Monopoly (which ended in a tie between Perry & Gary). 

Friday: Once again we were up early and decided to go grab some breakfast before Brenda and Gary hit the road back to Myrtle Beach. We decided to try out this breakfast place that my Mother in-law had seen (looked up) a while back called Brigs. We got lucky and only a short wait for 6 people. I ordered their French Toast Griddle Combo and it was delish! After breakfast we attempted to find a Best Buy to check out some deals, but oh boy oh boy… the place was CRAZY! We decided that it was not worth losing our sanity and headed back home. We said our goodbyes to Brenda and Gary and they headed back home.

SRR and Perry worked on installing his new speakers and Marie and I headed to Bath and Bodyworks to grab a few things. The stores were busy, but not CRAZY like I had imagin

ed them to be. By the time we got home the boys were done working on installing the speakers and we had decided to go see a movie that night. But Sugar was not feeling well and we decided to stick around incase she needed a potty break. We had leftover for dinner and wrapped up the night playing Monopoly (tie between Perry and I).

PS:  I started reading New Moon.

Saturday: We were up and about by 10:30 to make it to Dim-Sum by 11:00 – only to find out they did not open till 11:30. Once they opened, we went in and enjoyed some really really good Dim-Sum. We had plans to go see Transporter III, but had a few hours to kill.. so back to home we went. 2:30 rolled around and we went to see the movie… hmmm Jason Statham was GREAT as usual (I happen to think so anyway), but my GOD the leading actress was HORRIBLE and I mean HORRIBLE. This in my eyes made the movie pretty bad as well. After the movie we headed home for some Turkey Sandwiches and Queso & Chips for dinner. Followed by a few rounds of Buzz and a few rounds of Scene It.

Sunday: Up and about around 11:00 to grab some breakfast. We headed to Cindy’s House Café only to find out they were closed. After driving around for a few minutes, trying to come up with a place to eat… we found our selves back at Brigs. This time around there was about a 15 minute wait, which again I do not happen to find long at all – especially with the Church crowd starting to come out. This time around I had the Hot Cake Griddle Combo and once again, it was pretty darn good. After breakfast we headed back home so Mom and Perry could hit the road.

SRR took a nap and I played a little Ratchet and watched a little TV. We ate dinner and headed out to Barnes and Noble to grab the other two Twilight Saga Series books. Well, even though their system showed that they had both, they only had Eclipse in stock. So being the inpatient person I am, we headed to Borders were I found them both.

We had a LONG, but FUN filled Thanksgiving. One of the main reasons we wanted to move here was to be closer to our extended family and it was nice to be able to accomplish that.