Feeling down… down… down…
I feel like I have been down in the gutters for the past few days and have not been able to figure out why. I had a great time riding with Cary EMS on Sunday and ever since then I have found it very hard to put a smile on my face… until this morning! When a co-worker asked me what’s wrong and I told her I was not sure… and she jokingly said “it’s this place” and it hit me like a ton of bricks. She is right! Don’t get me wrong, I like my job for the most part (well not too much the job it self, but the people I work with). But having tasted something else, a job that makes a difference in someone’s life, a job that makes me feel satisfied and proud, makes coming to this job that much harder. I always tried to look at my job as more then just a paycheck, but lately that is all it feels like.
I have submitted my application to one EMS unit and have been trying to gather up all the paperwork I need for the other station. I know it takes time for them to review everything and the process it self can be a little drawn out, but I have never really been the patient kind of gal and I know that refreshing my email account 10 times a day is not going to make them reply to me any sooner. At least I was able to schedule another ride-a-long with my favorite Paramedic for the 24th, so this way I have something to look forward to.
I hate feeling like this. I know it affects my family and everyone else around me and I hate that. I know that I need to push through these crappy feelings and come out the other end stronger… but I also know that it’s not easy. It’s not like waking up the next day and everything feeling all better with puppies and rainbows. I know I am the only one who can make things better and I have the tools I need to accomplish my final goal
So… I will think happy thoughts and try to come up with a game plan to make things better.
