C-H-A-N-G-E
Change has always been something I have avoided. Most of the time I like things the way they are, or even if I don’t like things the way they are my fear of change would take over and cripple me to move forward. My fear kept me at a job I disliked and hated more and more everyday. It kept me from going to school to get my degree. It kept me from taking the leap to sell the house. It kept me from 100% agreeing to move to NC… you get the idea! This was nothing new to me. I have always been afraid of change, but as an adult I found it to be more and more crippling and it started to effect the way I felt about myself and life in general.
But the thing is that, every time I take a chance and take the leap I am always shocked at the end results and the AWESOME feelings that come with it. Like letting my old boss know that I was leaving… as scared as I was, man it felt so good. Of course I had to deal with the freak out moments of not having a job and the fact that after being somewhere for 7 years I was now in the looking for a job field and interviews scare the crap out of me (we will talk about my social issues at another time). But in the end I DID IT! I am now at a job like a like and could possibly see a future within the company if I wanted to.
Now let’s talk about selling the house and moving to NC. That was about 4+ years in the making. I had many many deep issues related to selling the house and moving somewhere where I felt I would be very vulnerable because I did not know anyone. But after a lot work with therapy and support from SRR I was ready to take the jump and move. Once I felt comfortable in my own skin and I felt strong as a person the whole process came very easy. I mean leaving my friends and what I have known as life for 10+ years was very hard, but I was now looking forward to our new life and was truly excited (without the fear taking over) for the first time since the NC conversation first came up. I know that my SRR will always be there for me and he knows that I will always be there for him no matter what. And as scary and lonely the process could have been, we had each other (and of course Ollie & Sugar). Once we were ready things just fell in the place like it was all meant to be… and one thing after another, things worked them self’s out and September 2008 we hit the road. And to this day I am so happy that we made the change in our lives and moved. I love being closer to extended family and everything else about NC (the cost of living kind of sucks), but everything else makes up for it.
I am a much different person then I was just 2 years ago and it’s OK. Change is not always going to come easy and I know that, but the more I trust my self the easier each step will be.
Now for another huge change in my life – I need to submit my application for Nursing School.
